You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
