Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Farmville is her only friend.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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