the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
