My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
