i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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