Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Everclear isn't food dammit
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
