I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
