Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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