he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I want her autograph on my taint
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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