in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
