i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
