help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
