It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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