I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
