Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
