My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
