dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
