Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
