she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
