one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
