Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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