I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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