Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
