I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize