I didn't shave. On purpose
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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