No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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