dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
