hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
