He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
