genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
