Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
