It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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