he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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