Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
