i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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