Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
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Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
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Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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