i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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