shes about as inviting as chlamydia
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
