Your tits are I can't wait for
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
