I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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