She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
