She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
