At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
