Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I met the friendliest cop last night
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize