I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
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