ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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