The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
