Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
