My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
His hands were made for my vagina.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
