what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
