Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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