could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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