I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
