The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
