i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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