the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
