I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
