you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
