i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
