i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
