The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
