dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
