I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We got so high we made milksteak
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
