i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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