I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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