I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize