Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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