you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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