I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
