If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my being single is dangerous.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
