So drunk its hurt
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
