i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
