Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Boobs are out for the taking
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
