i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
