Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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