Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
