brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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