Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
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I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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