Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
