his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
