this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We are two peas in an std pod
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
