Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
