She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
