dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
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