how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
