Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
